The Talk
by detective-giggles
Summary: SVU's newest detective is having a rough time and Amanda helps. Sonny/Amanda friendship. Takes place mid-season 16.


A/N: Just a little something I came up with last night when I couldn't sleep. Randomess- takes place mid-season 16, while Sonny is still newish to SVU. Rollins/Carisi friendship. Thanks for reading- if you like what you see, please review—and if not, constructive criticism is always welcome!

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Sonny sighed as he rolled over on the uncomfortable mattress and tucked his arm under his head. It was quiet in the crib-too quiet-and, despite his best efforts, he knew he wouldn't actually be able to get the sleep he desperately craved. The transition to Manhattan's SVU squad had been…different… than he expected and he had been having a difficult time lately, mostly trouble eating and sleeping. The caseload was twice as much as he was used to, and he was working with fewer detectives. More late night call-outs combined with early mornings in court, plus his classes for law school, he was only averaging a few hours a night. And that was if he could even get to sleep in the first place. He debated on getting up and running a couple quick miles instead- maybe the adrenaline and endorphins could power him through the last half of his shift. He wondered if he had any spare gym clothes in his locker when his thoughts were interrupted by Amanda.

He watched as the blonde detective angrily flung the door open, completely oblivious to his company. She stomped to the other side of the room, muttering to herself. She gave the metal frame on one of the bunks an angry kick and then sighed, resting her forearm on the cool metal. She dropped her head down to rest on the back of her hand and took a deep breath. The room was usually unoccupied during the day- he knew she figured this was the one room she could be alone in.

"What did that bunk do to you?" he asked with a playful grin.

Amanda spun around, a sheepish look on her face, "Oh shit! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were in here."

Sonny smiled, "It's okay-I wasn't sleepin' anyway," he paused for a second and then, "I'm so tired," he admitted softly.

Amanda nodded and made her way to the bunk Sonny was laying on, "How long have you been here? Six months?" she gestured to the bunk, "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," he said, "And yeah…sounds about right."

Amanda nodded knowingly and took a seat on the thin mattress. She was silent for a minute, "I remember being new to SVU…" Sonny watched her carefully but she stared at the floor in front of her as she spoke, "You, uh, you close your eyes and you see the kids… the children you should have been able to help but couldn't… You see the pain and the hopelessness in your victim's eyes when they realize their attacker is going to go free… and when it's quiet, you hear the confessions- and they're just so… cold and remorseless… and you wonder how you're ever going to be able to trust anyone," Amanda's gaze turned towards the male detective and he nodded slowly. The vulnerability in her admission surprised him, but he was grateful for someone who truly understood how he was feeling. "It gets worse before it gets better," she added softly.

"Of course it does." The bitterness in his voice surprised Sonny- this wasn't like him. He was usually a "glass half-full" kinda guy. But this unit… He had been a cop for years- he routinely saw people on the worst day of their lives. That's why he was there-to help people. But that was the thing with Special Victims: even the victims you help-you don't. And he didn't know if he could handle that.

"Hey, Carisi… You know, SVU isn't for everybody. It's okay," Amanda said softly.

Sonny shook his head, "No, I'm okay… I'll be fine," he said, not sure if he was convincing her or himself, "How long have you been here?"

"A little more than three years here. A couple in Atlanta."

"How long after you started? Until you could sleep through the night again?"

"I'll let you know when it happens," Amanda smiled.

"Great," Sonny rolled onto his back and stared at the bottom of the bunk above him.

"Carisi… you're normal… Feeling what you're feeling is a _good thing_. Trust me. I've worked with cops who aren't affected by this kind of thing… they're not good cops…" then she added, "They're usually not good people… But seriously, it gets better. You go home, have a beer, maybe watch a little bad tv. Reality shows are the best." Sonny nodded slowly- feeling slightly encouraged but still not entirely convinced. Amanda put her elbows on her knees and leaned forward, "Okay… truth? A few times a year I still have this recurring nightmare. There was this girl. Her name was Abby. It was one of my first cases in Georgia. She was ten… And we ended up arresting her older brother."

Amanda paused briefly and Sonny wondered if he wanted her to continue. He had enough on his mind, he was unsure if he wanted to hear what cases haunted his partner at night. But he also got the feeling she didn't open up to many people and he didn't want to shut her down, so he let her talk. "It's always the same… I can see them and he's…he's hurting her. But we're at one of those, uh, carnival fun houses… You know, with all the mirrors?"

"The maze?"

"Yeah," Amanda shuttered, "And I can hear her. She is _screaming_ my name. _Pleading_ for me to help her… And I can't- I can't find her. Everytime I turn around, it's just another dead-end. I know it's so stupid, but it's always so _real._"

"And that doesn't make you wanna give up? Like it's never going to be enough?"

"No," Amanda shook her head, "That's why I stay… I couldn't save Abby but… the next one- maybe I can save her."

"But there's always going to be another Abby," he said knowingly.

The blonde nodded, "And that's how this job sucks you in."

"Plus, you're good at it," he added with a shrug.

Amanda grinned, "I'm really good at it," she laughed, "And so are you…" Sonny nodded, it was true, he was a damn good detective. "So, you gonna stick around a bit? Or am I gonna have to train a new partner?"

Sonny smiled, "No, you're stuck with me. And I-" he was interrupted by a loud knock on the door and Olivia poked her head in.

"Carisi! We gotta go! Two minutes!" she called, "Rollins? I've been looking for you. Amaro needs you in interrogation one. His suspect is a handful and only wants to talk to the 'hot blonde'," Olivia rolled her eyes, "You know, I don't miss those days. Sometimes it's better watching from _behind_ the glass."

"Copy that, Sarge," Olivia nodded and let the door shut behind her. Amanda stood up and turned to Sonny, "Duty calls," Amanda stood up and headed towards the door.

"Hey, Rollins?"

"Yeah?" She paused at the door and turned.

"Thanks."

Amanda nodded and gave Sonny a small smile before turning to leave. Sonny smiled as he watched her walk away He grabbed his tie and vest and followed Amanda into the squadroom.


End file.
